I'm having a little bit of a pity party today, so I apologize in advance for my whining. If you don't want to be part of this party, you totally have my permission to skip my blog. I just needed a place to share my thoughts.
I found out yesterday through the grapevine that my principal filled all three positions in my school for next year. This information hasn't been formally announced, but there's a SPED teacher who is being transferred to an elementary school who requested one of the ELA openings in an effort to stay. She was denied and told the positions were filled on Monday.
I wasn't even granted an interview.
I never even received a response to the personal email I sent to my principal back in March about the openings.
In the past 24 hours, I have gone through a gamut of emotions. It's an understatement to say I feel slighted. I'm sad, frustrated, angry... no, I'm pissed!
I've worked my ass off this year trying to prove myself worthy of a teaching position in this school. I've taken on more responsibility than required on the TAs because I'm a certified teacher. They've used me for testing and small group instruction. Another TA and I have taught a class this entire semester because our students weren't able to follow the curriculum. I created and left behind a binder of modified work for future classes. I've taken on the responsibility of students who are not on my case load. I've graded papers, taken over for teachers in their absence, and even planned and taught whole-class lessons.
I've done much of this without being asked because it was necessary for our students. And sometimes, I've been asked to do these things (testing, small group instruction) because I'm certified. Do I get any extra pay for these things? No. Any acknowledgement from administration? No.
Above all, I'm angry at myself for turning down a teaching position for this. I had such high hopes that this would be the stepping stone I needed to get into this district, but now I know this is not the case.
I don't blame my AP who hired me (and encouraged me with stories of many TAs being hired in the district last year). I know he would have given me an interview if he were in charge of hiring. But I'm extremely frustrated with my principal. Mostly because she couldn't even bother to acknowledge me.
Lost. This is the best word to describe how I feel. I know it would be foolish to come back for another year. If she didn't interview me this year, she's not going to interview me next year or the year after that. Staying here would be a waste of time. And I can't afford it.
So, now that my hope for next year has been shattered, I have to concentrate even more on those stupid online applications that no one reads. It feels like I'm fighting an uphill battle... lots of work for no return. Getting interviews in the Chicagoland area is incredibly hard. It's all about who you know.
And silly me... I thought this year was going to help me "know" the right people.