March 21, 2015

SOL 21: Makeup Gone Wrong

I've never been the girl who needs to put on a full face of makeup and styling my hair just so before leaving the house. I can pull myself together just fine for a job interview or date night, but when it comes to the daily grind, sleep always wins out over waking up earlier to primp. I go through these little spurts where I vow to make the extra effort to tend to these things because I really do notice that I feel cuter and more confident with a little swipe of mascara and coat of lipgloss. But the truth is that this never lasts long.

After more than a week being sick, I decided to make myself look cute today. Not because I had anywhere to be but more of a "Fake it till ya make it!" mentality.

So, I stuffed some Kleenex up my nose (because the dripping is still a thing), which was actually wise because it hides the raw appearance of my columella (I had to look that up. That's the name of the piece of skin between your nostrils. Mine is currently peeling... cute, huh?), turned on a podcast, and made myself comfortable on the bathroom counter for a zoomed in view of my face in the mirror.

I think I was a little overly ambitious in my beauty attempts because not only did I attempt to use my eyebrow kit for like the third time ever and master the smokey eye once and for all, but I was also determined to master the fake eyelashes I've been toting around in my makeup drawer for YEARS.

I was blessed to be born with very long eyelashes, but they're pretty sparse. I love the lush look of a full eyelash set, and how it makes me feel so glamourous. I've worn them a couple times, usually for Halloween, but I've never been able to apply them myself.

But THAT was going to change... today!

Now, I've spent countless hours watching makeup and hair tutorials on YouTube. In fact, if watching videos was the secret to success, I would be working with A-list celebrities and hosting my own show on the Style network right now.

Unfortunately, though, watching videos does not always translate to successful application.

Can anyone explain to me why the lash glue, which promises to dry clear, never actually turns completely clear? I always look like I took a bottle of Elmers to my eyes. What am I doing wrong here???

And why is that ONE corner ALWAYS lifts? Always! Are my eyes a wonky shape? Are the lashes made for aliens? I'm always pushing down one corner, praying it will stick, but they appear work like a teeter totter. As soon as one side goes down, the other side rises up!

I thought maybe I needed to trim them a bit. Like maybe they were too long to follow the curve of my eye. I've seen like a hundred YouTube tutorials on this, and it seemed pretty foolproof. But YouTube lied. It did not help. In fact, it made it look cheap and like it ended too abruptly.

Even though I wasn't satisfied with my lashes, I thought I'd move on the rest of the eye. I thought that maybe it would come together with some eyeliner and shadow. I think you're supposed to use liquid eyeliner with false lashes, but that's WAY out of my league. I learned this after too many tears in high school. No need to relive those moments. Pencil would have to do!

Somehow, I must have gotten the eyelash glue in random spots on my lid (that somehow DID dry clear because I didn't know it was there). And as it turns out, eyeshadow looks different on the lid itself versus the glue on your lid. The purple color I was using looked blotchy and made me look like I lost a fight with Mike Tyson.  

I truly regret not taking a picture for you all!

An hour later, I resigned myself to the fact that I will never be Michelle Phan and reached for my jar of coconut oil.

If there's one thing I CAN do right when it comes to makeup, it's remove it! Coconut oil is my FAVORITE beauty product. It's a great moisturizer, makeup remover, hair mask... basically my go-to product.

I'm sticking to lipgloss and mascara, people.


  1. I admire your attempt - somehow, I wind up looking like I'm ready for the stage whenever i even go near eyeliner! You've brought this scene to life with your conversational tone and clear details. Mike Tyson!

  2. Youtube lied. Best line of the day!!! Great post--and know that you are NOT alone in the wonkiness of false eyelashes. They are not my friends, either. :) thoroughly enjoyed this post!

  3. Cute slice of life! Thanks for sharing your story!

  4. I love how you shared the mishaps so many of us have also had. YouTube, like Pinterest, isn't always accurate.

  5. I felt like I was right there with you. I especially love how the glamour of your attempts contrasts with even the kleenex stuffed up your nose at the beginning.

  6. Great slice! I had a wonderful picture of you laboring to be beautiful or at least cute and confident with kleenex stuffed up your nose. Loved that contrast! I also like the way you wove your comments/asides into your piece as you described the events unfolding. Thanks for sharing!

  7. I love the ferocious power of "THAT was going to change today!" Oh how many times have I cried that cry myself. Such a fun slice to read. I hope you're feeling better!

  8. HAH!! You're cracking me up! You really went all out with the fake lashes! I think my attempt would be similar to yours, unfortunately. Thanks for a good laugh!

  9. This line made me laugh out loud - "Unfortunately, though, watching videos does not always translate to successful application." Great understatement! Sounds like you tried too hard. Thank goodness for coconut oil!

  10. The slice made me smile! It reminded me of my own make up mishaps! I hope you really do feel better soon!

  11. The slice made me smile! It reminded me of my own make up mishaps! I hope you really do feel better soon!

  12. You have some kind of wit! I'm glad I discovered you today.

  13. I love the "fake it till ya make it mentality!"

  14. It's a good thing you added in the note about the name of the skin between nostrils since that's not an everyday word. Here's to days of keeping it simple with the make-up!

  15. My favorite line: "In fact, if watching videos was the secret to success, I would be working with A-list celebrities and hosting my own show on the Style network right now." because seriously with the amount of youtube videos I watch you would think I would master any makeup technique. Go you for trying out false lashes, I have never even attempted said feat. And we all know coconut oil is my jam, carried that big jar across eight states like a pro. Perhaps that's a youtube video?