My lifelong friends and family can attest to the fact that I have always been a curvy girl. I honestly can't even picture myself in any other body.
But at one point, a few years back, I was borderline obsessed with Zumba. I got to take classes from fabulous instructors and made lots of friends, and it became my thing. I took as many classes as possible, up to 14 in one week over the summer. I could literally run circles around many of my thinner friends, even though my body didn't show it.
And then I got really frustrated that my body was not responding appropriately. I was watching my Zumba peers drop sizes left and right, and it was really distressing that the same thing wasn't happening for me.
Around this same time, life sorta happened, and I kept being faced with all sorts of excuses not to go back to Zumba. And if I know anything in life, it's that once a good habit is paused, it's WAY too easy for me to stop it.
Sadly, that's what happened.
I got to a point where I hadn't been to class in so long that I just could't bring myself to go back without an elaborate excuse. Also... some of my friendships in that group had fizzled out, which made it even more awkward to return.
Flash forward about 9 months (now living in Louisiana) when I learned that I had PCOS. My doctor basically laughed when I told him how hard I had been working out for the past couple years with little results, and he told me that no amount of exercise was going to help me until my condition was controlled.
Since then, I've been good about taking my medication but not so good about staying on a healthy eating plan or getting back into exercising. If I'm REALLY honest, it's because I've been scared. The fear of failure is real, especially for someone like me who has always been an over-achiever.
But after much procrastination, I've decided that I owe it to myself to try. Joel and I bought a new grill over the weekend and a Veggetti Pro (spiralizer to make "noodles" out of vegetables) yesterday to help me stay on a low, low-low carb, no-sugar diet. We're also committing to continue our daily walks at the park after dinner so I can slowly get back into exercising.
I'm feeling more motivated to do this than ever before, and I know that a HUGE part of it is knowing that Joel is supporting me. In the past, he's kinda always told me that he'd support me by helping me do whatever I needed to do but that he wasn't going to change his diet since he didn't need it. Of course, it's really hard to stay on a healthy eating plan when your partner bring junk food into the house all the time. That stuff is DONE for now, until I get strong enough to say no on my own.
I've offered to find ways to compromise, making zoodles for myself and regular noodles for him, but so far, he's refused to eat anything different. I saw a recipe last night for a cauliflower crusted pizza and showed it to him, saying that I would make it for myself while he could eat real pizza.
"I'll try it your way with you!" he told me instead.
Music to my ears!
I should also add that yesterday, over breakfast, we had a really sweet conversation. He told me he loves me exactly as I am and thinks I'm beautiful now, but that if this is something I want to do for myself, he will support me in every way possible.
I LOVE THIS MAN!